intimated a week before
now the message scored in my
morning body
at the edge of the bed
am I ready then
to die
yes
journey to northwest Sierra
Butte Meadows
wait without waiting
breathe green mountain moments
night
a Tibetan lama in red robes and light
wakes me in the cabin loft
a silent vision of
joy and imminence
precisely under sun
next day
by the creek
feet in deep grass
I sink into the white
see the meadow through white veils
I sink
make it to a fallen pine
can’t sit
lie on my back
arms fall out to sides
and hang in summer air
life in the body
wanes
suddenly I know
this is
the death
give
inside
white
racing white
warp speed white
focus
hold focus
light light light
surrender
light
consumed
light
energy of being
light
no one
light
how long
suspended sky time
how long
the white
how long
the lifeless body lying
no I
only is
is
(then first)
hearing
water upstream
down down down
closer closer
louder louder
(second)
body molecules
slow resurface of feeling
wake
yet no movement
(last)
eyes
slowly open
to straight up blue sky bright
mid the circle of pines
blue green radiance
a finger moves
hand
the other
slowly slowly
my body on the log
the log
take time
no hurry
what is it all
but light
in form
in color
(but light)
oh
here again
nothing different
nothing the same
all light
light
I sit up
slowly
walk through afternoon meadow
back to the tiny cabin
grass how soft
under bare feet
cool
each step
light everywhere
how alive it all
is alive
© 1998 Leslye Layne Russell
reproduced with permission
Related
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