Funny Poems

A collection of Funny poems by Spike Milligan, these bring back memories from childhood laughing over Spike Milligan’s anarchic and funny poems and use of language.

Granny
   
Through every nook and every cranny
The wind blew in on poor old Granny
Around her knees, into each ear
(And up nose as well, I fear)

All through the night the wind grew worse
It nearly made the vicar curse
The top had fallen off the steeple
Just missing him (and other people)

It blew on man, it blew on beast
It blew on nun, it blew on priest
It blew the wig off Auntie Fanny-
But most of all, it blew on Granny!

~ 

 Porridge
   
Why is there no monument
To Porridge in our land?
It it’s good enough to eat,
It’s good enough to stand!

On a plinth in London
A statue we should see
Of Porridge made in Scotland
Signed, “Oatmeal, O.B.E.”
(By a young dog of three)

~

Contagion

Elephants are contagious!
Be careful how you tread.
An Elephant that’s been trodden on
Should be confined to bed!
Leopards are contagious too.
Be careful tiny tots.
They don’t give you a temperature
But lots and lots – of spots.

The Herring is a lucky fish
From all disease inured.
Should he be ill when caught at sea;
Immediately – he’s cured!

– Spike Milligan

Bongaloo

“What is a Bongaloo, Daddy?”
“A Bongaloo, Son,” said I,
“Is a tall bag of cheese
Plus a Chinaman’s knees
And the leg of a nanny goat’s eye.”

“How strange is a Bongaloo, Daddy?”
“As strange as strange,” I replied.
“When the sun’s in the West
It appears in a vest
Sailing out with the noonday tide.”

“What shape is a Bongaloo, Daddy?”
“The shape, my Son, I’ll explain:
It’s tall round the nose
Which continually grows
In the general direction of Spain.”

‘Are you sure there’s a Bongaloo, Daddy?’
“Am I sure, my Son?” said I.
“Why, I’ve seen it, not quite
On a dark sunny night

Do you think that I’d tell you a lie?